Friday, January 6, 2012

Resolving some things, introspective Rant-style.

 I generally don't attempt to create or enforce "New Year's Resolutions." It's for the sake of my fragile mental health that I eschew the practice. To my recollection, I have never once in... a number... of years managed to successfully keep a resolution made at the turn of a new year.

So this year, in an effort to spew out another blog post (because the fate of the free world depends upon it!) and because I genuinely enjoy reading the self-searching, enthusiastic, creative or just plain determined blog posts that other people have made in honor of the new year, I broke down and wrote my own.

And it was bad. Like, really really bad. Like, I wrote it on December 29th and have read it nearly every day since and it still makes my skin crawl anew each time. I had good intentions, of course. I even had a theme! "Girl Discovers Things About Herself Thanks To Incredibly Nasty Old Shirt."

See, my friend "Boobs" gave me a ratty old tank top about 3 years ago. ("Gave" is a strong word. I think she left it at my house after an all-night mural painting session and somehow I managed to never return it.) It was in a highly diminished state when I obtained it as a result of thin, shabby construction and the combined pressure of Boobs's prodigious namesakes. I do not possess such anatomical attributes, so this camisole has always had a withered, wretched look on me. Tight at the waist and dumpy, stretched-out and nearly sheer at the top, the shirt also boasted a pale pinkish-gray base color (it was originally white) accented with buttermilk yellow sweat stains.

The Vile Offender in repose. Mmm... dirty gray straps...

 To recap, it's an inexpensive old tank top that looks as if it had been used to clean the back seat of a taxi after a live birth on the interstate. And it looked that way before I stole it and wore it for three years.

What does this have to do with New Year's resolutions? I'm trying to get to that. Really I am.

As luck would have it, I found it in the laundry basket whilst sorting and folding last week and I immediately resolved (see that?) to cut it into pieces. And then, whilst shredding it, I decided to cut the pieces into fun shapes and so I cut part of it into a heart. And then I decided to write an emotionally charged, highly evocative blog post around the "heart," all about how I love myself so much more now that I cut up this gross old tank top because that's what's been holding me back all these years.

That's when the real epiphany occurred:

I need to get my head out of my ass. That's my New Year's resolution. And I'm starting now since this is as close to January 1, 2012 I'm likely to get for a while.


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